Pet peeves must serve some purpose

When did we become a nation of cud chewers?
I’m referring to the seemingly millions of people who don’t know how to chew gum.
Everywhere I go, especially a certain chain store, it seems most everyone has a big wad of gum in their mouth, and their chompers go up and down on it, showing everyone not just their teeth and tongue, but also their tonsils and other things in their mouth I don’t want to see.
I know, it’s a stupid pet peeve I should learn how to get rid of, but for some reason I can’t shake it. I find it disgusting, appalling and rude, and it takes every bit of my energy to keep myself refrained from telling the cud chewers to either close their mouths or spit it out.
It’s particularly irritating at that certain chain store because it seems like it’s the employees doing the cud chewing. When I worked at that store many years ago, our managers told us it wasn’t allowed, because it’s unprofessional and gross. I guess it’s acceptable now, because even the managers appear to be cud chewing.
I understand the desire to have fresh, clean breath, but seriously, buy a Tic Tac or a mint. It’s more effective and less gross.
Yes, I sound like a grouchy old man when it comes to gum chewing, but a big part of me thinks this society has lost its pride in itself, and people chewing gum like cows chewing cud is a reflection of this belief.
Honestly, I wish it didn’t bother me, but for some reason it does. I guess that’s why it’s a pet peeve. If someone has a cure for them, I would love a dose of that medicine, because I have other pet peeves – people yawning wide enough to land Air Force One in their mouths, bad drivers and loud cell phone talkers – I’d love to get rid of.
My wife, Jenny, would also appreciate it if I eliminated my disdain for these pet peeves, as she often feels the brunt of their displeasure for me. If she yawns, I roll my eyes. If she chews gum, and she does chew it respectfully, I get annoyed. If someone else annoys me with a pet peeve, I’ll make under-the-breath comments that she tells me to stop. Her biggest pet peeve is probably my lack of tolerance for my pet peeves.
It used to be my lack of ability to fold a towel correctly, but I learned how to do it. In return, I developed a pet peeve about her lack of ability to put a towel back on the rack correctly for reuse. She’ll throw it on the rack all bunched up, and as a result it’s often wet and kind of gross.
She laughs at me when I tell her she should learn how to put it on the rack correctly, but she keeps doing it because she knows it doesn’t really bother me like my other pet peeves. And in reality, it doesn’t. That’s what a fresh towel is for.
But I truly can’t stand my other pet peeves. I’m cringing in my mind just writing this column and thinking about them.
Mankind is probably meant to have pet peeves, so we can correct the things we do wrong. At least that’s what I’d like to believe. I would love it if a certain chain store’s manager would come to the realization the employees there look unprofessional chewing gum because of mine or someone else’s pet peeve. I know that probably would never happen, but it gives me hope my pet peeves serve some purpose besides annoying me.
And then this nation of cud chewers and wide yawners could show a little pride in itself.
In all fairness to Jenny, she asked for an opportunity to respond. This is what my wife had to say:
“I concur that my pet peeves generally surround Scott’s inability to deal with his pet peeves in a manner that is less than curmudgeonly. I enjoy chewing gum, but have virtually abandoned it in an attempt to avoid marriage counseling over a seemingly small issue that clearly disturbs my husband a great deal. As a result, towels are used as passive-aggressive response to fill the void in my life that was once filled by gum chewing. I take some small personal satisfaction in his grumbling over damp towels as I mourn the loss of my gum. I request all readers to please forgo gum chewing while in Scott’s presence, not for his sake, but rather for my sanity, as I will hear about it.”