Skating rinks haven’t changed much in 20 years, even without ‘YMCA’

It’s been more than 20 years since I last stepped foot inside a roller-skating rink, and with several minor exceptions, they haven’t changed a bit.

The rink itself is still wooden, although I skated on a concrete rink at one now long closed in Hancock, and the walls all on the outside are still lined with cheap carpet to cushion those crashes.

One side still acts as the loading and unloading dock where skaters enter or leave the rink. For reasons I can’t comprehend, this dock is one step higher than the bay, providing one more way for those with less balance to fall.

The lounge area leading up to the rink is still filled with a variety of vendor games. Some of these games are the same – air hockey and skee-ball will always remain classics. Traditional arcade games such as “Pac-Man” and “Donkey Kong” have been replaced by lesser skill games in which people can win tickets that can be traded for cheap carnival-type prizes.

The food stand still sells licorice ropes, popcorn, hot dogs and any other type of inexpensive and easy-to-make food that provide a high profit margin for the rink owners. Surprisingly, the prices aren’t nearly as bad as one might expect, especially when compared to the same items at a movie theater. A large box of popcorn at the roller-skating rink sells for $2, whereas the same box at the theater costs a house mortgage plus a pledge that half the money you leave behind when you die will go directly to Hollywood to finance the 17th installment of the “Twilight” series, which will still contain some of the worst special effects ever seen. But, hey, Edward will still be better than Jacob.

The same horrible music still plays as people skate, although I’m not sure if I admire or admonish the deejay for not playing “YMCA,” which I had fully expected to hear at least six times while I was there.

The biggest changes are the ramps in the middle of the rink – an awesome addition I’ll never go near – and the allowing of rollerblades and scooters on the rink. The last time I was at a rink rollerblades were relegated to the parking lot outside. And scooters were still skateboards with a pole handle.

I was at the rink in Wisconsin Rapids because my son, Braden, was invited to a double birthday party there for several of his classmates. It was his first experience skating so I stayed to show him how, not quite certain I would even remember myself. To my relief, my balance memory was intact and I was able to concentrate on helping him rather than myself.

Braden struggled with regular roller skates, much like I did when I was his age. Those things require little motion to move and a lot of balance to conquer. After watching a classmate of his quickly master rollerblades – something I’ve never tried myself – I switched him to those. Within half an hour he didn’t want my help anymore, freeing me up to enjoy the inexpensive carnival food.

The experience was a thrill we’ll return to soon. Next time, though, I’ll come dressed as a construction worker in anticipation “YMCA” will make its triumphant comeback.

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Originally published in The Portage County Gazette on Friday, March 2, 2012.