Putting Jim Schuh on toilet is place he didn’t want to go

Jim Schuh is on the toilet. Jim Schuh is in the toilet.


The first sentence has one meaning: Jim Schuh is sitting on the toilet, taking care of Mother Nature’s business. But the second sentence could have multiple meanings: he could simply be in the bathroom, maybe on the toilet or maybe doing something else; or, if taken literally, some part of him like his foot, head or arm could be in the toilet. If it’s a giant toilet, then maybe his whole self could actually be in the toilet.

I bring this up following an email discussion Jim and I had earlier this week after he corrected me for a change I made to his column in last week’s Gazette.

Originally, Jim sent the column to me with a phrase stating that political robo calls often come to him when he’s “in the toilet.”

Nobody I know uses that phrase. Instead, they usually say “in the bathroom” or “in the restroom.” Assuming that if he had meant to say that, he would have used one of those phrases, I figured he must have meant that he was “on the toilet.” Because he often likes to make fun of himself in his column, and because his subject matter – political robo calls – was one that is even a step below normal bathroom humor, I made the editorial decision to put Jim Schuh on the toilet.

I don’t normally like to imagine Jim Schuh on the toilet, but in this case picturing him taking a political robo call on the toilet was really funny. It would be funny imagining anybody on the toilet taking such a call, but someone with his personality is especially funny.

Jim did not want to be on the toilet. He simply wanted to be in the bathroom. He said the corrected version made his comment seem more explicit than he intended.

I told Jim that being “on the toilet” may be the perfect place to take such phone calls.

He pointed out that in societies other than the U.S., “in the toilet” is quite prevalent. “It means being in what we Americans (as wusses) refer to as the ‘restroom.’ Nobody rests there – they relieve themselves. The word ‘toilet’ is somehow anathema to Americans, but for no good reason,” he responded.

That may be the case, but lest he forget, this is the U.S. And because it is, I put Jim Schuh on the toilet, and not in it.

Knowing Jim well enough, I’m pretty sure that my editorial decision didn’t put me “in the toilet” with him, although I wouldn’t be surprised if he finds a way to put me on one. He’s already tried, as he suggested I go “in the toilet” with a laptop to write this column – after I warned him I would – to give it real authenticity.

I’m not going to do that, mainly because I live in 2012 and use an iPad rather than a laptop. But using it “on the toilet” “in the bathroom” might rightfully disgust my wife, who has the power to put me “in the doghouse.” That’s a place no guy ever wants to be, and it’s a place I never want to write about in a future column.
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Originally published in The Portage County Gazette on Friday, June 1, 2012.