Advice needed on how to raise an only child

I need advice from people who grew up as an only child.


I seek advice because my son, Braden, appears as though he will be an only child, and since my wife, Jenny, and I come from multi-children families, we don’t know how to deal with him being the lone child.

Even if someday Jenny and I were to have another child, Braden would be well older, as he is already 5-1/2. He’s spoiled with our attention, but we can tell it serves as a poor substitute for someone near his own age to play with on a regular basis.

Growing up, I often wished I was an only child, and not just because my younger sister, Kelly, was annoying, but also because I wanted to be spoiled by my parents like some of the only-childs I knew.

Kelly and I fought all the time. We pushed and hit each other, and when things got bad her claws came out, literally. I still have scars from places she scratched me. We spent so much time fighting we often forgot about the boredom that often comes when your life is dictated by those older than you.

When we did manage to play nicely together, it was usually because one of us had a friend over whom the other one wanted to play with also.

Whether or not we were fighting or playing together, my parents didn’t have to spend nearly as much time amusing us as Jenny and I spend trying to keep Braden entertained. From the minute we pick him up from school to the minute he goes to bed, he’s always asking one of us to play with him.

We try to oblige, since we both know the importance of having a good playmate. But when you’re trying to put away a week’s worth of laundry and clean two days worth of dirty dishes, taking 15 minutes to play Transformers with him often seems like the most tiring of the three options because you know when you’re done playing, those other things will still be there.

And unfortunately for him, we’re also trying to make sure he doesn’t become a “spoiled” only child. He’s got a fair amount of toys, but this amount pales in comparison to a lot of other kids we know. We’ve held numerous rummage sales over the years, and given other toys away, to keep his toy box from overfilling, and he knows not to ask us for a new toy when we go to the store.

It’s clear he doesn’t care about toys as much as I did when I was a kid, and the things he most likes are someone to play with on a regular basis and the attention of those around him.

This fact came out when he started kindergarten this fall. His teacher, Mrs. Z, told Jenny she can tell he’s an only child because when he wants her attention, he’s not shy about getting it as he’ll often go in front of other kids to ask her something. “I tell him I love him just as much as the other children, but you have to wait your turn,” Mrs. Z said.

So now Jenny and I have really been working with him to act like a boy with siblings, despite the fact he doesn’t have any. It’s tough, and that’s why I’m seeking a little advice from only-childs. I want to know what their parents did, or should have done, to make them feel more like they had siblings, without spoiling them with their own attention and with toys and other items. Play dates with other kids? Acting like a kid yourself (Jenny may say I often do this without trying) and playing with him? Go ahead and just spoil him anyway? I don’t know the answer.

E-mail your advice to me at pcgazette@g2a.net. I’d love to share it with others in a future column.

Stay-at-home parents are under-appreciated

I have to give credit to all of the stay-at-home mothers and fathers. They have a tough job that is vastly under-appreciated by those of us who go to a job on a regular basis.
Although both my wife and I work and our 2-year-old son, Braden, goes to daycare, I realized for the first time this last weekend that full-time childcare is an exhausting job. I came to this realization after watching Braden all weekend while my wife was scrapbooking with her friends.
This wasn’t the first time I had Braden duty. I have it every Thursday when I’m off work and have often had it on many weekend days. It’s just before this weekend I never associated the fact that I was tired on days I had Braden with the probability that Braden was the one tiring me out.
I’m not one to get tired easily. I’m up before 6 a.m. on days I work and don’t get home until after 6 p.m. I stay up until midnight and I’m seldom tired. I don’t need naps on days I’m at work, although I wouldn’t object if a law was passed requiring everybody to bring a mat to work for a 15-minute nap everyday, like we did in kindergarten and first grade (a great idea that is unfortunately no longer practiced in schools anymore).
On days I’m home with Braden I nap for two hours in the afternoon when he is napping. I always attributed my need for this nap due to the fact that Wednesdays are a late one at The Gazette when I’m there to the early morning hours while we’re putting the paper together.
However, I couldn’t blame my tiredness on a lack of sleep Saturday. I had seven hours of sleep the night before, which is more than I usually get. The same with Sunday, especially since I got an extra hour due to the ending of daylight saving time.
Braden, who is a typical toddler, had to be the X factor. He is 40 inches and 35 pounds of pure energy, which requires constant attention to keep contained.
From the moment he gets up to the time he is ready for his nap after lunch, Braden plays with everything he can get his hands on and questions everything he doesn’t understand. This means I’m always making sure he doesn’t play with something that he shouldn’t and that I’m answering his every question, oftentimes the same one several times.
While keeping him safely entertained and satisfied with my answers to his questions, I’m also working on chores around the house that get neglected during the rest of the week when we’re working – laundry being the biggest chore since three people go through a lot of clothes during a week.
Folding laundry and putting clothes away is my least favorite chore when the Tasmanian devil is in my presence. Nicely folded clothes can become a big pile of mess in just seconds when Braden whirls through and decides to offer his help. I appreciate his effort, and I will tell him when he is old enough to put his own clothes away but doesn’t want to, that he loved doing it as a kid. But doing this big chore twice is the equivalent of doing something at work and then being told to do it again because it’s not good enough.
When I’m home with Braden I also make the errands that need to be made, such as trips to the bank, grocery store and post office. He loves these trips, but anyone that has ever taken a 2-year-old shopping knows it takes a lot to keep a child from crying when something doesn’t go his or her way.
My biggest issue at the store is getting Braden to sit in a cart. He always wants the “Car” cart, which is big and not suitable for the store’s small aisles, so I usually deny him. He responds by unleashing his inner demon, which consists of a steady cry that even a hard-rock vocalist would be hard pressed to duplicate. I’m happy to have my own little Axl Rose, but not while I’m shopping.
I haven’t even factored play time with Braden into my reasons for being tired. I try to spend time playing catch or bubbles with him outside or playing trains or castle with him inside. This is always fun, but it’s tiring.
I know all of this now because Braden decided he didn’t want to nap on Saturday. I did everything as I normally do on Thursday, and by 12:30 p.m. I was ready to crash. I fed him and then bee-lined to my bed where I instantly fell asleep – for about 15 minutes until Braden suddenly woke me up saying he was done sleeping. I thought several hours had passed, but they hadn’t.
I attempted many futile efforts to get him to take a nap, but he wasn’t complying. He had his mind made up that he wasn’t going to nap. It was during these futile efforts that I realized I needed a nap because he exhausted my energy.
It also made me realize that stay-at-home mothers and fathers have a tough job, one that is probably more difficult than a paying job. Daycare providers also deserve some props, because they are handling multiple energy zappers. So show a little appreciation next time you talk to one of these people. It may give them a little pep they really could use.