The other day my 4-year-old son, Braden, was watching some Christmas television show in which one of the characters wrote a letter to Santa Claus. Not previously knowing that was something he could do, Braden asked me for some paper and a pencil, as he too wanted to write a letter to the big guy in the North Pole.
I’m not going to be one of those parents who brags his 4-year-old can already read and write, because I’d be lying. My kid knows his letters most of the time, he can spell his name some of the time, and once in awhile he can even write it, but that’s it.
I’d love it if he could read and write, but he’s already light years ahead of where I was at his age. Not only didn’t I know the alphabet at 4, but I didn’t know it when I was 5 and in kindergarten, a grade I claim I flunked but my mother correctly says I was held back in to grasp the basics.
Intrigued by Braden’s sudden decision to use writing skills I didn’t know he had, I watched in amusement as he put his pencil to paper and wrote to Santa. When he was done, his letter was literally filled with a mess of letters. I asked him what those letters said.
“It says ‘I want Optimus Prime,’” he replied to complete predictability, as the Transformer toy is something he’s wanted for a long time.
“What else does it say?” I asked.
“It also says, ‘I want everything that I want,’” he said.
It was brilliant, I thought. What more could he have written to make his point any clearer? Absolutely nothing.
“I want everything that I want.” He knows what he wants, and he knows Santa knows what he wants. Why bother listing everything if Santa has the ability to read kids’ minds, as he correctly believes?
His short, simple statement also made me jealous. As a person who writes for a living, I’ve learned many times the best writers are the ones that can say the most with as few words as possible. It’s a goal I strive for, but often believe I sometimes miss. Thankfully I’ve got an editor and multiple proofers who trim my work whenever they deem it should be done.
Jealous is probably an understatement, because I’m not sure I’ve ever written anything that says as much as he did with those six words. Granted, he didn’t technically write those words, but his translation of his jumbled letters is enough for me.
My long windedness might stem from those years in elementary school after flunking kindergarten in which I went from being the stupid kid in class to the teacher’s pet. When school and learning clicked for me, sometime in first grade, learning became something I greatly enjoyed.
This enjoyment inspired me to go above and beyond the scope of given assignments. When a teacher assigned us to write a story using all of our spelling words, I wrote 20-page novellas. These Magnum opuses were always humorous, as in addition to being the teacher’s pet I was usually the class clown, and many were epic, as I would continue them the next week with the next set of spelling words.
I don’t have any copies of these stories for specific examples, but I’m pretty sure I was long winded. The poor teachers, already overworked and underpaid, probably hated sludging through my dribble. I probably got top marks, not for quality material, but just for my effort. What teacher wouldn’t give a kid who spent three hours on a story the best grade possible, even if said story could be condensed to two paragraphs in a more readable form?
It wasn’t until Mrs. Voeltner taught me in my high school journalism class that less is usually better.
That’s a lesson I still struggle with, but one Braden has apparently learned at a very young age. I don’t want to brag, but maybe he is a genius.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Holiday traveling experience doesn't have to be painful
Christmas, for many, means traveling. Some people travel long distances, by plane, while others travel shorter distances, by car, to nearby cities. Regardless of the distance, it still takes an effort on the part of the traveler to get where he or she needs to go. And it’s an effort many people don’t like, especially when the destination is a place they try to avoid the rest of the year.
Traveling sometimes has to take place in bad weather, like this year as it is expected to be, putting an even bigger damper on a downer day for those travelers who would rather stay home.
For those reluctant travelers, myself not included as I have a blast at gatherings of my family and my wife’s family, I offer 10 tips to make the journey more fun:
1.) Road-trip music. Load the iPod or your CD case with your favorites, but make sure they are fun for the entire family, as you don’t want to hear “Ughh. Not Bob Seger again.” “Old Time Rock and Roll” does tend to get old after several thousand listens.” This may be the only safe entertainment available to the driver, so other passengers need to respect it.
2.) Give your passengers cell phones and tell them to catch up with old friends. To be honest, I love it when my wife is talking with others, because then I can enjoy tip No. 1. And when she’s done talking with others, she provides me with good conversation about the conversations she has just had. Just make sure the person with the cell phone isn’t the driver, as this country already has too many cell phone-talking drivers.
3.) Play games. “I spot” is always fun with little kids, and a box of “Trivial Pursuit” cards can provide entertainment for older people. Just make sure you know the difference between “Moops” and “Moors” if you have the first edition of the First Genus.
4.) Campfire stories, but without the camping, fire, marshmallows and mosquitoes. My 4-year-old son loves to hear stories. I oftentimes have a hard time making them up, so I steal them from other sources, such as movies I’ve seen and books I’ve read. Someday, when he watches “Gremlins” for the first time, he’s going to think the producers of that movie stole my story.
5.) The “Quiet” Game. This game should be played when the passengers get too noisy or the kids are fighting. Nobody really likes it, but it can make for peaceful traveling. Plus, it can be fun trying to get others to break their silence. Just hope it’s not done by breaking wind. That’s never a good thing in close quarters.
6.) Portable DVD players are great for backseat passengers. Rent a good movie, or grab one from your collection, and watch away. For long trips, television show DVDs may be the best entertainment, especially if you need to catch up with shows you haven’t seen. Good suggestions: “True Blood,” “The Wire,” “Mad Men” and “Dexter.” For short trips, select a good film you’ve seen before but always enjoy watching. For some, that film will probably be “The Shawshank Redemption,” as it was recently named a film people never get tired of.
7.) Read a book. When I was a kid, I spent many long car trips reading, which helped instill a lifelong love of reading for me. Plus, it’s a great way to keep your focus away from the smelly person next to you on an airplane.
8.) Catch up on homework and office work. My wife, who is well on her way to getting her master’s degree, often studies as I drive. It’s as though she’s enrolled in a traveling college.
9.) Select a weird topic and talk about it. In the past, before having a kid, my wife and I often discussed names we’d choose for a kid. Through these talks, some of them lasting entire trips, we eventually came up with “Braden” for our son’s name. It’s a name that perfectly fits him, especially since it combines the names of our two fathers, Bradley and Dennis. It was recently named as the seventh most popular boys’ name for 2009, but we came up with it in 2005, long before it became common.
10.) Talk about what gifts may be waiting for you upon arrival to your destination. Although nobody likes to admit liking Christmas for the gifts, let’s be honest, gifts rule. Even the bad ones, as they can provide a humorous conversation for the ride home.
Remember to keep the traveling experience as fun as possible because headaches and misery may be in store for holiday grinches at their destinations.
Traveling sometimes has to take place in bad weather, like this year as it is expected to be, putting an even bigger damper on a downer day for those travelers who would rather stay home.
For those reluctant travelers, myself not included as I have a blast at gatherings of my family and my wife’s family, I offer 10 tips to make the journey more fun:
1.) Road-trip music. Load the iPod or your CD case with your favorites, but make sure they are fun for the entire family, as you don’t want to hear “Ughh. Not Bob Seger again.” “Old Time Rock and Roll” does tend to get old after several thousand listens.” This may be the only safe entertainment available to the driver, so other passengers need to respect it.
2.) Give your passengers cell phones and tell them to catch up with old friends. To be honest, I love it when my wife is talking with others, because then I can enjoy tip No. 1. And when she’s done talking with others, she provides me with good conversation about the conversations she has just had. Just make sure the person with the cell phone isn’t the driver, as this country already has too many cell phone-talking drivers.
3.) Play games. “I spot” is always fun with little kids, and a box of “Trivial Pursuit” cards can provide entertainment for older people. Just make sure you know the difference between “Moops” and “Moors” if you have the first edition of the First Genus.
4.) Campfire stories, but without the camping, fire, marshmallows and mosquitoes. My 4-year-old son loves to hear stories. I oftentimes have a hard time making them up, so I steal them from other sources, such as movies I’ve seen and books I’ve read. Someday, when he watches “Gremlins” for the first time, he’s going to think the producers of that movie stole my story.
5.) The “Quiet” Game. This game should be played when the passengers get too noisy or the kids are fighting. Nobody really likes it, but it can make for peaceful traveling. Plus, it can be fun trying to get others to break their silence. Just hope it’s not done by breaking wind. That’s never a good thing in close quarters.
6.) Portable DVD players are great for backseat passengers. Rent a good movie, or grab one from your collection, and watch away. For long trips, television show DVDs may be the best entertainment, especially if you need to catch up with shows you haven’t seen. Good suggestions: “True Blood,” “The Wire,” “Mad Men” and “Dexter.” For short trips, select a good film you’ve seen before but always enjoy watching. For some, that film will probably be “The Shawshank Redemption,” as it was recently named a film people never get tired of.
7.) Read a book. When I was a kid, I spent many long car trips reading, which helped instill a lifelong love of reading for me. Plus, it’s a great way to keep your focus away from the smelly person next to you on an airplane.
8.) Catch up on homework and office work. My wife, who is well on her way to getting her master’s degree, often studies as I drive. It’s as though she’s enrolled in a traveling college.
9.) Select a weird topic and talk about it. In the past, before having a kid, my wife and I often discussed names we’d choose for a kid. Through these talks, some of them lasting entire trips, we eventually came up with “Braden” for our son’s name. It’s a name that perfectly fits him, especially since it combines the names of our two fathers, Bradley and Dennis. It was recently named as the seventh most popular boys’ name for 2009, but we came up with it in 2005, long before it became common.
10.) Talk about what gifts may be waiting for you upon arrival to your destination. Although nobody likes to admit liking Christmas for the gifts, let’s be honest, gifts rule. Even the bad ones, as they can provide a humorous conversation for the ride home.
Remember to keep the traveling experience as fun as possible because headaches and misery may be in store for holiday grinches at their destinations.
'Best of' decade lists subject to change minute-by-minute
For some – me specifically – it’s fun reading end-of-the-year “best of” lists. I like reading other people’s opinions about what they consider to be the best albums, books, DVDs, films and television shows of the year. Often, I find good suggestions of things I should check out that I may have initially missed, and sometimes I discover reasons for reexamining something I may have dismissed earlier.
Years ending with a nine, like this one, are even better because many of these lists compilers spoil us with “best of” the decade lists. As I write this, I’m anxiously waiting for Rolling Stone to send me its latest issue with such a list, as I have my notebook and pen ready to make notes for things I need to check out.
While I wait, I’ve decided I’m going to make my own list, which I know will be outdated as soon as I write it. My opinion can change not just day-to-day, but sometimes minute-to-minute, depending on my mood.
Example: “The Dark Knight” was my favorite film in 2008, and while I still love it, I’ve literally been scared to watch it again since my initial viewing in the movie theater. I’m afraid that perfect viewing will be tarnished on subsequent viewings in which I discover flaws. As a result, I’m more apt to say “Iron Man,” which has a ton of flaws, was the best film of the year because I’ve watched it what feels like 16,000 times with my 4-year-old son who completely cherishes it as his favorite film.
So, at 4:30 p.m. on Monday, Dec. 7, my “best of” the decade list is this:
Best albums: This is probably the easiest category for me, as I simply compiled a list of my favorite artists and then listed the albums they made this decade. This list includes Bruce Springsteen, U2, Pearl Jam, Guns N’ Roses and Bob Dylan, and some of the best albums these five artists made this decade are Springsteen’s “The Rising,” U2’s “All That You Can’t Leave Behind,” Pearl Jam’s “Backspacer” and Dylan’s “Modern Times.”
From this list, U2’s “All That You Can’t Leave Behind” stands out as my favorite, mainly because of its resonance following 9-11, despite being recorded before the event. Songs like “Beautiful Day” and “New York” took on new meaning, which the best art could and should do to reflect the times.
I’ll also give a shout out to Wilco’s “Yankee Foxtrot Hotel” for albums by artists not on my top-five list. Wilco’s record label dumped the band when it received this album, forcing the band to put it online for its fans. Guess what? The fans loved it and the guys in Wilco didn’t have to worry about how they were going to put food on the table for their families anymore.
Best books: Since I can only put something on this list from the books I have read, which is miniscule compared to the list of books from this decade I still want to read, my list of the top three books includes “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy, a bleak page-turner, and “Fargo Rock City: A Heavy Metal Odyssey in Rural North Dakota” by Chuck Klosterman. This humorous memoir shows life can be fun in North Dakota, too.
My list is topped by Stevens Point author Patrick Rothfuss’ “The Name of the Wind,” a fantasy novel that pushes J.K. Rowlings’ “Harry Potter” series off my list. I don’t normally read this type of novel – “Harry Potter” was an exception for me because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about – but I read this one because of the local connection, and it was worth every bit of my time. It’ll be worth every bit of your time, too. Give it a try, if you haven’t already.
Best DVDs: Hands down, the director’s cuts of the three films in “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy beat everything and anything that stands in their paths. Quite a bit longer than the theatrical versions, these DVDs are enhanced by their extended playing times, unlike most director cuts. These are the definitive versions all fans should own.
Best films: And speaking of “The Lord of the Rings,” the final film in the trilogy, “Return of the King,” as well as the first film, “The Fellowship of the Ring,” tower above all. It’s funny, because these films came out around the same time as the “Star Wars” prequels came out, and while I eagerly awaited their releases, “The Lord of the Rings,” quietly at first, became everything I was hoping “Star Wars” would be: dramatic, action-packed, loaded with great story-telling and full of mind-blowing special effects.
Honorable mentions go to “Matrix,” the coolest film of the decade, and “High Fidelity,” a film that shows all of the highs and lows of relationships between males and females in a funny and believable way.
Best television shows: This is the hardest list to compile because this decade was truly a golden age for television. And with mankind’s advances in technology, people can stay tuned to any television show that comes out, unlike previous decades where shows had to be either watched live or taped on a not-completely reliable VCR.
Any of these shows could be at the top of my list on any given day: “The Office,” “Battlestar Galatica,” “Lost,” “Friday Night Lights,” “The Wire,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “The Sopranos,” “Mad Men,” “Dexter” and my one guilty pleasure I’m not afraid to say, “Smallville.”
I’m finishing this column at 11 a.m. on Tuesday, Dec. 8, and I already want to make some changes. But I know when I proof this on Wednesday, Dec. 9, I may want to change my mind again. So I’ll leave it. It’ll be my personal “best of” the decade list for Tuesday through Wednesday, Dec. 8-9 (subject to change at author’s discretion).
Years ending with a nine, like this one, are even better because many of these lists compilers spoil us with “best of” the decade lists. As I write this, I’m anxiously waiting for Rolling Stone to send me its latest issue with such a list, as I have my notebook and pen ready to make notes for things I need to check out.
While I wait, I’ve decided I’m going to make my own list, which I know will be outdated as soon as I write it. My opinion can change not just day-to-day, but sometimes minute-to-minute, depending on my mood.
Example: “The Dark Knight” was my favorite film in 2008, and while I still love it, I’ve literally been scared to watch it again since my initial viewing in the movie theater. I’m afraid that perfect viewing will be tarnished on subsequent viewings in which I discover flaws. As a result, I’m more apt to say “Iron Man,” which has a ton of flaws, was the best film of the year because I’ve watched it what feels like 16,000 times with my 4-year-old son who completely cherishes it as his favorite film.
So, at 4:30 p.m. on Monday, Dec. 7, my “best of” the decade list is this:
Best albums: This is probably the easiest category for me, as I simply compiled a list of my favorite artists and then listed the albums they made this decade. This list includes Bruce Springsteen, U2, Pearl Jam, Guns N’ Roses and Bob Dylan, and some of the best albums these five artists made this decade are Springsteen’s “The Rising,” U2’s “All That You Can’t Leave Behind,” Pearl Jam’s “Backspacer” and Dylan’s “Modern Times.”
From this list, U2’s “All That You Can’t Leave Behind” stands out as my favorite, mainly because of its resonance following 9-11, despite being recorded before the event. Songs like “Beautiful Day” and “New York” took on new meaning, which the best art could and should do to reflect the times.
I’ll also give a shout out to Wilco’s “Yankee Foxtrot Hotel” for albums by artists not on my top-five list. Wilco’s record label dumped the band when it received this album, forcing the band to put it online for its fans. Guess what? The fans loved it and the guys in Wilco didn’t have to worry about how they were going to put food on the table for their families anymore.
Best books: Since I can only put something on this list from the books I have read, which is miniscule compared to the list of books from this decade I still want to read, my list of the top three books includes “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy, a bleak page-turner, and “Fargo Rock City: A Heavy Metal Odyssey in Rural North Dakota” by Chuck Klosterman. This humorous memoir shows life can be fun in North Dakota, too.
My list is topped by Stevens Point author Patrick Rothfuss’ “The Name of the Wind,” a fantasy novel that pushes J.K. Rowlings’ “Harry Potter” series off my list. I don’t normally read this type of novel – “Harry Potter” was an exception for me because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about – but I read this one because of the local connection, and it was worth every bit of my time. It’ll be worth every bit of your time, too. Give it a try, if you haven’t already.
Best DVDs: Hands down, the director’s cuts of the three films in “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy beat everything and anything that stands in their paths. Quite a bit longer than the theatrical versions, these DVDs are enhanced by their extended playing times, unlike most director cuts. These are the definitive versions all fans should own.
Best films: And speaking of “The Lord of the Rings,” the final film in the trilogy, “Return of the King,” as well as the first film, “The Fellowship of the Ring,” tower above all. It’s funny, because these films came out around the same time as the “Star Wars” prequels came out, and while I eagerly awaited their releases, “The Lord of the Rings,” quietly at first, became everything I was hoping “Star Wars” would be: dramatic, action-packed, loaded with great story-telling and full of mind-blowing special effects.
Honorable mentions go to “Matrix,” the coolest film of the decade, and “High Fidelity,” a film that shows all of the highs and lows of relationships between males and females in a funny and believable way.
Best television shows: This is the hardest list to compile because this decade was truly a golden age for television. And with mankind’s advances in technology, people can stay tuned to any television show that comes out, unlike previous decades where shows had to be either watched live or taped on a not-completely reliable VCR.
Any of these shows could be at the top of my list on any given day: “The Office,” “Battlestar Galatica,” “Lost,” “Friday Night Lights,” “The Wire,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “The Sopranos,” “Mad Men,” “Dexter” and my one guilty pleasure I’m not afraid to say, “Smallville.”
I’m finishing this column at 11 a.m. on Tuesday, Dec. 8, and I already want to make some changes. But I know when I proof this on Wednesday, Dec. 9, I may want to change my mind again. So I’ll leave it. It’ll be my personal “best of” the decade list for Tuesday through Wednesday, Dec. 8-9 (subject to change at author’s discretion).
Friday, December 4, 2009
Santa delivers Black Friday Snuggie present
Thanks to a great Black Friday special, my wife, Jenny, was able to purchase Snuggies for two of us in the Steuck household, including our son, Braden.
For those who have never heard of a Snuggie, it can officially be defined as a blanket with sleeves, which allows people to read or do other things with their hands they may have not been able to do with them under the blanket. Unofficially, it can simply be defined as the product of a marketing genius.
That’s because, if you think about it, a blanket with sleeves is probably the most useless product anyone could own. An extra sweatshirt, or even the clever use of a regular blanket, is all anyone really needs to stay warm while doing tasks that require the use of hands.
But through the use of cheesy commercials that are unintentionally humorous, Snuggies have become a product people talk about, and products people talk about are sometimes the products people buy.
The first time I saw a Snuggie commercial several years ago I immediately realized I wanted one, but I didn’t want to pay $20. A fleece blanket, even one with sleeves, is not worth that price.
On Thanksgiving, though, browsing through the following day’s Black Friday ads, I spotted Snuggies on sale at one store for $4. That’s less than a hamburger at a restaurant, less than a movie ticket and less than another useless product everyone wanted, Chia Pets. Four dollars is just four times the price of a candy bar nowadays (I remember when they used to be 50 cents, while my mother recalls candy bars being a nickel when she was a kid).
I avoid any shopping places on Black Friday, so Jenny does my shopping for me on this day if there is anything I want. She came back with not just one Snuggie, but two of them. Even better, they weren’t actual Snuggies; instead, they were the Snuggie knock-off – Cuddlies.
Normally, I’d want the real thing, but in this case, a knock-off of a useless product is perfectly acceptable. It’s just a blanket with sleeves after all. It’s not like it’s the 1980s, you’re 11 years old and you received a Transformer knock-off Go-Bot rather than the actual Transformer you really wanted. Sorry. Painful flashback.
That night we opened one of the Snuggies/Cuddlies and I put it on, half expecting a life-changing moment. Instead, I realized the blanket with sleeves does exactly what it’s advertised to do, and not more like I was expecting it to do.
It’s a blanket, and as such, it’s not meant to be worn around the house like a piece of clothing. So, when I put it on and came to that surprise realization, as it didn’t have anything going around my backside, disappointment set in. A Snuggie had to be used for more than just sitting.
To remedy this, I tied the blanket ends on my shoulders together behind my back, creating a reverse robe that sort of resembled a Jedi Knight outfit.
Since I looked kind of like Obi Wan Kenobi, Braden decided he too needed a Snuggie. We opened another package, put it on him and suddenly our apartment was filled with two Jedis. The only thing we needed were two lightsabers, although Jenny probably wouldn’t want us getting involved in a duel.
The only complaint I have about the Snuggie, after remedying its initial inability to cover my backside to give me mobility, is that it doesn’t have a front fly for guys to use the bathroom without either taking it off or raising it up. If briefs and boxers can come with such a fly, so should the Snuggie. “The blanket with sleeves, and a fly,” the marketing geniuses could boast, allowing them to sell even more of them.
I wore mine the entire evening, while Braden went to bed with his on. We took it off after he fell asleep, slightly worried it could pose a choking hazard; however, when he woke up in the middle of the night and realized it wasn’t on anymore, he started crying, wanting it back on. I put it back on, without tying the ends together.
I received another Snuggie, an actual one and not a rip-off, from my sister-in-law as a belated birthday present this week. Now everyone in our household has been Snuggified. Well, almost everyone. Apparently, the Snuggie company is now making them for pets, too. As much as I love our two cats, that’s something I will never buy. Unless Black Friday can come through with a great price again.
For those who have never heard of a Snuggie, it can officially be defined as a blanket with sleeves, which allows people to read or do other things with their hands they may have not been able to do with them under the blanket. Unofficially, it can simply be defined as the product of a marketing genius.
That’s because, if you think about it, a blanket with sleeves is probably the most useless product anyone could own. An extra sweatshirt, or even the clever use of a regular blanket, is all anyone really needs to stay warm while doing tasks that require the use of hands.
But through the use of cheesy commercials that are unintentionally humorous, Snuggies have become a product people talk about, and products people talk about are sometimes the products people buy.
The first time I saw a Snuggie commercial several years ago I immediately realized I wanted one, but I didn’t want to pay $20. A fleece blanket, even one with sleeves, is not worth that price.
On Thanksgiving, though, browsing through the following day’s Black Friday ads, I spotted Snuggies on sale at one store for $4. That’s less than a hamburger at a restaurant, less than a movie ticket and less than another useless product everyone wanted, Chia Pets. Four dollars is just four times the price of a candy bar nowadays (I remember when they used to be 50 cents, while my mother recalls candy bars being a nickel when she was a kid).
I avoid any shopping places on Black Friday, so Jenny does my shopping for me on this day if there is anything I want. She came back with not just one Snuggie, but two of them. Even better, they weren’t actual Snuggies; instead, they were the Snuggie knock-off – Cuddlies.
Normally, I’d want the real thing, but in this case, a knock-off of a useless product is perfectly acceptable. It’s just a blanket with sleeves after all. It’s not like it’s the 1980s, you’re 11 years old and you received a Transformer knock-off Go-Bot rather than the actual Transformer you really wanted. Sorry. Painful flashback.
That night we opened one of the Snuggies/Cuddlies and I put it on, half expecting a life-changing moment. Instead, I realized the blanket with sleeves does exactly what it’s advertised to do, and not more like I was expecting it to do.
It’s a blanket, and as such, it’s not meant to be worn around the house like a piece of clothing. So, when I put it on and came to that surprise realization, as it didn’t have anything going around my backside, disappointment set in. A Snuggie had to be used for more than just sitting.
To remedy this, I tied the blanket ends on my shoulders together behind my back, creating a reverse robe that sort of resembled a Jedi Knight outfit.
Since I looked kind of like Obi Wan Kenobi, Braden decided he too needed a Snuggie. We opened another package, put it on him and suddenly our apartment was filled with two Jedis. The only thing we needed were two lightsabers, although Jenny probably wouldn’t want us getting involved in a duel.
The only complaint I have about the Snuggie, after remedying its initial inability to cover my backside to give me mobility, is that it doesn’t have a front fly for guys to use the bathroom without either taking it off or raising it up. If briefs and boxers can come with such a fly, so should the Snuggie. “The blanket with sleeves, and a fly,” the marketing geniuses could boast, allowing them to sell even more of them.
I wore mine the entire evening, while Braden went to bed with his on. We took it off after he fell asleep, slightly worried it could pose a choking hazard; however, when he woke up in the middle of the night and realized it wasn’t on anymore, he started crying, wanting it back on. I put it back on, without tying the ends together.
I received another Snuggie, an actual one and not a rip-off, from my sister-in-law as a belated birthday present this week. Now everyone in our household has been Snuggified. Well, almost everyone. Apparently, the Snuggie company is now making them for pets, too. As much as I love our two cats, that’s something I will never buy. Unless Black Friday can come through with a great price again.
Thor the Bear doesn't have a chance on Point property
I learned last week a bear has been spotted on property my wife, Jenny, and I purchased in August on the north side of Stevens Point for our future home. As a fan of bears, this news elated me, although Jenny was less than thrilled.
I immediately took ownership of the bear, though it would probably dispute it, and gave it a name: Thor. That’s the name I wanted for our son, Braden, before he was born, but one Jenny shot down along with Raven for a girl. I understand her reasoning – Thor is a Norse god of thunder and our son is not, and Raven could be the name of a porn actress, which we both hope any future daughter will not become – so it was easy to go along with her safer choices, like Braden.
Thor may have just been passing through, as bears spotted in the city of Stevens Point are most likely doing, but I like to think he’s taken up residence on our 1.66-acre lot, especially since we won’t build our home there until 2010 and possibly 2011. If we’re not going to live there yet, I couldn’t be more honored to have a bear live there in our place.
I’ll admit, I haven’t seen Thor, nor do I know for sure it was actually on our property. I heard some neighbors spotted it in the vicinity, so I just made the assumption it’s living on our land. Why? Because with the exception of a few celebrities, zookeepers and that crazy guy in Alaska who has more than a dozen bears living on his property, most people can’t say they own a bear.
By taking ownership of Thor, I can join the ranks of these people. It’s definitely the coolest thing I own, unless my autographed photo of Martin Kove can be considered cooler. But only “Karate Kid” aficionados will know Kove is evil sensei John Kreese in the first three films of the series, so most people won’t think this possession is cool at all.
My wife, on the other hand, isn’t amused at all about a bear being spotted on our property. For her Facebook status, she posted: “was surprised to learn today that a bear has taken up residence on our land… apparently it likes the subdivision and lake as well. Scott has already given it a name… ‘Thor.’ I would prefer to call it ‘throw rug.’”
Within an hour after posting this status, several of her friends responded along the same lines, some saying bear meat makes for great sausage and their hides look great hanging on the wall. Another person said he would be happy to help her make it a throw rug.
I posted a response saying I wasn’t going to let any of these blood-thirsty crazies kill Thor without getting through me first. Nobody responded, so they were all probably laughing at my weak threat.
If I actually saw Thor on our property, I’d probably become one of them, as I’d most likely be scared enough to want it gone. The only time I’ve seen a bear in the wild happened in August, shortly after we bought the property, when traveling to Eagle River. A bear crossed the road in front of the car in front of us right before entering the city of Rhinelander, much to my amazement.
I’ve only touched a live bear once, at a zoo in Weyauwega, when the owner let me pet a cub. It was little, but it was still tougher than me, nearly knocking me down twice.
A stuffed bear also clawed me once. I could more accurately say I brushed my hand against its sharp claws, causing them to cut me, but that makes me appear as the weakling I actually am, so I’ll stick with saying a stuffed bear clawed me.
Other than that, all of my bear experiences have been confined to safely watching them from a distance at a variety of zoos.
Weirdly enough, Jenny has gone bear hunting before, so having a bear on our property should make her happy. Not that she could hunt it within the city limits, but because it demonstrates bear numbers are up, as the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources has said, and any future hunts are more than likely going to be successful.
Then again, maybe she wants it off our property so it will be on land where she can shoot it.
Poor Thor. It doesn’t stand a chance.
I immediately took ownership of the bear, though it would probably dispute it, and gave it a name: Thor. That’s the name I wanted for our son, Braden, before he was born, but one Jenny shot down along with Raven for a girl. I understand her reasoning – Thor is a Norse god of thunder and our son is not, and Raven could be the name of a porn actress, which we both hope any future daughter will not become – so it was easy to go along with her safer choices, like Braden.
Thor may have just been passing through, as bears spotted in the city of Stevens Point are most likely doing, but I like to think he’s taken up residence on our 1.66-acre lot, especially since we won’t build our home there until 2010 and possibly 2011. If we’re not going to live there yet, I couldn’t be more honored to have a bear live there in our place.
I’ll admit, I haven’t seen Thor, nor do I know for sure it was actually on our property. I heard some neighbors spotted it in the vicinity, so I just made the assumption it’s living on our land. Why? Because with the exception of a few celebrities, zookeepers and that crazy guy in Alaska who has more than a dozen bears living on his property, most people can’t say they own a bear.
By taking ownership of Thor, I can join the ranks of these people. It’s definitely the coolest thing I own, unless my autographed photo of Martin Kove can be considered cooler. But only “Karate Kid” aficionados will know Kove is evil sensei John Kreese in the first three films of the series, so most people won’t think this possession is cool at all.
My wife, on the other hand, isn’t amused at all about a bear being spotted on our property. For her Facebook status, she posted: “was surprised to learn today that a bear has taken up residence on our land… apparently it likes the subdivision and lake as well. Scott has already given it a name… ‘Thor.’ I would prefer to call it ‘throw rug.’”
Within an hour after posting this status, several of her friends responded along the same lines, some saying bear meat makes for great sausage and their hides look great hanging on the wall. Another person said he would be happy to help her make it a throw rug.
I posted a response saying I wasn’t going to let any of these blood-thirsty crazies kill Thor without getting through me first. Nobody responded, so they were all probably laughing at my weak threat.
If I actually saw Thor on our property, I’d probably become one of them, as I’d most likely be scared enough to want it gone. The only time I’ve seen a bear in the wild happened in August, shortly after we bought the property, when traveling to Eagle River. A bear crossed the road in front of the car in front of us right before entering the city of Rhinelander, much to my amazement.
I’ve only touched a live bear once, at a zoo in Weyauwega, when the owner let me pet a cub. It was little, but it was still tougher than me, nearly knocking me down twice.
A stuffed bear also clawed me once. I could more accurately say I brushed my hand against its sharp claws, causing them to cut me, but that makes me appear as the weakling I actually am, so I’ll stick with saying a stuffed bear clawed me.
Other than that, all of my bear experiences have been confined to safely watching them from a distance at a variety of zoos.
Weirdly enough, Jenny has gone bear hunting before, so having a bear on our property should make her happy. Not that she could hunt it within the city limits, but because it demonstrates bear numbers are up, as the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources has said, and any future hunts are more than likely going to be successful.
Then again, maybe she wants it off our property so it will be on land where she can shoot it.
Poor Thor. It doesn’t stand a chance.
Noetic science saves rehashed Dan Brown novel
I just completed Dan Brown’s latest novel, “The Lost Symbol,” and although I wasn’t all that impressed with the book, I very much liked the ending.
Without spoiling anything, I’ll just say the ending was simple, especially when compared to the ending of some of his other books, yet it packed a wallop I’m still thinking about four days later.
Still without spoiling anything, part of the ending, as well as the rest of the novel, revolved around something I had never heard about before called noetic science.
As defined by Cassandra Vieten, director of research at the Institute of Noetic Sciences, noetic science is “a multidisciplinary field that brings objective scientific tools and techniques together with subjective inner knowing to study the full range of human experience.”
Huh? In simpler terms noetic scientists try to measure things we’ve long regarded as immeasurable – things like prayer, intuition and life after death.
In one scene in “The Lost Symbol,” noetic scientist Katherine Solomon talks about an experiment she conducted that measured the weight of a man right before he died and then immediately after he died. She discovered his weight dropped a fraction of an ounce following his death, thus proving his soul had a measurable weight once it left his body.
Skeptics might think this is just fiction, which is justifiable since the claim appears in a fiction novel, but Brown is a knowledgeable author who knows how to find obscure facts and incorporate them into his books. It’s a good thing he does, because some of the outlandish and implausible events that take place in his books may make them unreadable without all of these juicy tidbits that are just plain fun to learn about.
Well before the term noetic science was coined, Dr. Duncan MacDougall conducted experiments in 1907 that determined a human soul weighed 21 grams. He also conducted the experiment on dogs and discovered their weight did not decrease after death. Some scientists have disputed his results, but it’s clear Brown was at least grounded in reality, and not fiction, when he wrote about the subject.
Brown also writes about the power of mass thinking in “The Lost Symbol” as an example of noetic science. Mass thinking is basically the ability for a lot of like-thinking people to make either positive or negative things occur. An example is the election of Barack Obama a year ago. The majority of people were in a hopeful mood, following a period in which many people had negative thoughts due to the collapse of the economy, and as a result they swept him and many hope-oriented candidates into office.
He says in the novel modern technologies such as Facebook and Twitter allow for a quick spread of mass thoughts, which could someday lead to a new age of enlightenment. Considering we’re only three years away from the date the ancient Mayan calendar ceases to exist – Dec. 21, 2012 – it’s hopeful to believe the world won’t end on this date, as some predict (see the new film “2012” for more about this apocalyptic end), but instead we’ll enter into this new age of enlightenment as others predict. I’m a positive thinker, so I’ll gladly choose this over a pending doom.
As I mentioned before, I wasn’t all that impressed with “The Lost Symbol,” mainly because it’s more of the same from the author. If you’ve read “The Da Vinci Code” or “Angels & Demons,” you’ve pretty much read this book already. Then again, if that’s what you want, you’ll definitely enjoy this one, too. I was just hoping for something more.
For me, it was difficult reading through some of the ridiculous events that take place in the book. Why do so many unbelievable things happen to the Robert Langdon character, and why hasn’t he learned his lesson by now? Stay in the classroom and don’t offer any help to suspicious people, you may find yourself wanting to tell him.
I’m not sure I would have ever gotten through the book without the bits about noetic science. Fortunately, I found that interesting enough to slog my way through it, even though it took me two months, whereas his other novels I breezed through in days.
It makes me wish noetic science was around when I was in high school. Then I may have continued to take science classes beyond biology and chemistry, and today instead of reading about it in tired novels, I could be one of those scientists on the frontier of some new discovery that could change the way people think about the world.
I know, that’s far-fetched. But probably not as far-fetched as most of the stuff happening in “The Lost Symbol.”
Without spoiling anything, I’ll just say the ending was simple, especially when compared to the ending of some of his other books, yet it packed a wallop I’m still thinking about four days later.
Still without spoiling anything, part of the ending, as well as the rest of the novel, revolved around something I had never heard about before called noetic science.
As defined by Cassandra Vieten, director of research at the Institute of Noetic Sciences, noetic science is “a multidisciplinary field that brings objective scientific tools and techniques together with subjective inner knowing to study the full range of human experience.”
Huh? In simpler terms noetic scientists try to measure things we’ve long regarded as immeasurable – things like prayer, intuition and life after death.
In one scene in “The Lost Symbol,” noetic scientist Katherine Solomon talks about an experiment she conducted that measured the weight of a man right before he died and then immediately after he died. She discovered his weight dropped a fraction of an ounce following his death, thus proving his soul had a measurable weight once it left his body.
Skeptics might think this is just fiction, which is justifiable since the claim appears in a fiction novel, but Brown is a knowledgeable author who knows how to find obscure facts and incorporate them into his books. It’s a good thing he does, because some of the outlandish and implausible events that take place in his books may make them unreadable without all of these juicy tidbits that are just plain fun to learn about.
Well before the term noetic science was coined, Dr. Duncan MacDougall conducted experiments in 1907 that determined a human soul weighed 21 grams. He also conducted the experiment on dogs and discovered their weight did not decrease after death. Some scientists have disputed his results, but it’s clear Brown was at least grounded in reality, and not fiction, when he wrote about the subject.
Brown also writes about the power of mass thinking in “The Lost Symbol” as an example of noetic science. Mass thinking is basically the ability for a lot of like-thinking people to make either positive or negative things occur. An example is the election of Barack Obama a year ago. The majority of people were in a hopeful mood, following a period in which many people had negative thoughts due to the collapse of the economy, and as a result they swept him and many hope-oriented candidates into office.
He says in the novel modern technologies such as Facebook and Twitter allow for a quick spread of mass thoughts, which could someday lead to a new age of enlightenment. Considering we’re only three years away from the date the ancient Mayan calendar ceases to exist – Dec. 21, 2012 – it’s hopeful to believe the world won’t end on this date, as some predict (see the new film “2012” for more about this apocalyptic end), but instead we’ll enter into this new age of enlightenment as others predict. I’m a positive thinker, so I’ll gladly choose this over a pending doom.
As I mentioned before, I wasn’t all that impressed with “The Lost Symbol,” mainly because it’s more of the same from the author. If you’ve read “The Da Vinci Code” or “Angels & Demons,” you’ve pretty much read this book already. Then again, if that’s what you want, you’ll definitely enjoy this one, too. I was just hoping for something more.
For me, it was difficult reading through some of the ridiculous events that take place in the book. Why do so many unbelievable things happen to the Robert Langdon character, and why hasn’t he learned his lesson by now? Stay in the classroom and don’t offer any help to suspicious people, you may find yourself wanting to tell him.
I’m not sure I would have ever gotten through the book without the bits about noetic science. Fortunately, I found that interesting enough to slog my way through it, even though it took me two months, whereas his other novels I breezed through in days.
It makes me wish noetic science was around when I was in high school. Then I may have continued to take science classes beyond biology and chemistry, and today instead of reading about it in tired novels, I could be one of those scientists on the frontier of some new discovery that could change the way people think about the world.
I know, that’s far-fetched. But probably not as far-fetched as most of the stuff happening in “The Lost Symbol.”
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