Santa delivers Black Friday Snuggie present

Thanks to a great Black Friday special, my wife, Jenny, was able to purchase Snuggies for two of us in the Steuck household, including our son, Braden.
For those who have never heard of a Snuggie, it can officially be defined as a blanket with sleeves, which allows people to read or do other things with their hands they may have not been able to do with them under the blanket. Unofficially, it can simply be defined as the product of a marketing genius.
That’s because, if you think about it, a blanket with sleeves is probably the most useless product anyone could own. An extra sweatshirt, or even the clever use of a regular blanket, is all anyone really needs to stay warm while doing tasks that require the use of hands.
But through the use of cheesy commercials that are unintentionally humorous, Snuggies have become a product people talk about, and products people talk about are sometimes the products people buy.
The first time I saw a Snuggie commercial several years ago I immediately realized I wanted one, but I didn’t want to pay $20. A fleece blanket, even one with sleeves, is not worth that price.
On Thanksgiving, though, browsing through the following day’s Black Friday ads, I spotted Snuggies on sale at one store for $4. That’s less than a hamburger at a restaurant, less than a movie ticket and less than another useless product everyone wanted, Chia Pets. Four dollars is just four times the price of a candy bar nowadays (I remember when they used to be 50 cents, while my mother recalls candy bars being a nickel when she was a kid).
I avoid any shopping places on Black Friday, so Jenny does my shopping for me on this day if there is anything I want. She came back with not just one Snuggie, but two of them. Even better, they weren’t actual Snuggies; instead, they were the Snuggie knock-off – Cuddlies.
Normally, I’d want the real thing, but in this case, a knock-off of a useless product is perfectly acceptable. It’s just a blanket with sleeves after all. It’s not like it’s the 1980s, you’re 11 years old and you received a Transformer knock-off Go-Bot rather than the actual Transformer you really wanted. Sorry. Painful flashback.
That night we opened one of the Snuggies/Cuddlies and I put it on, half expecting a life-changing moment. Instead, I realized the blanket with sleeves does exactly what it’s advertised to do, and not more like I was expecting it to do.
It’s a blanket, and as such, it’s not meant to be worn around the house like a piece of clothing. So, when I put it on and came to that surprise realization, as it didn’t have anything going around my backside, disappointment set in. A Snuggie had to be used for more than just sitting.
To remedy this, I tied the blanket ends on my shoulders together behind my back, creating a reverse robe that sort of resembled a Jedi Knight outfit.
Since I looked kind of like Obi Wan Kenobi, Braden decided he too needed a Snuggie. We opened another package, put it on him and suddenly our apartment was filled with two Jedis. The only thing we needed were two lightsabers, although Jenny probably wouldn’t want us getting involved in a duel.
The only complaint I have about the Snuggie, after remedying its initial inability to cover my backside to give me mobility, is that it doesn’t have a front fly for guys to use the bathroom without either taking it off or raising it up. If briefs and boxers can come with such a fly, so should the Snuggie. “The blanket with sleeves, and a fly,” the marketing geniuses could boast, allowing them to sell even more of them.
I wore mine the entire evening, while Braden went to bed with his on. We took it off after he fell asleep, slightly worried it could pose a choking hazard; however, when he woke up in the middle of the night and realized it wasn’t on anymore, he started crying, wanting it back on. I put it back on, without tying the ends together.
I received another Snuggie, an actual one and not a rip-off, from my sister-in-law as a belated birthday present this week. Now everyone in our household has been Snuggified. Well, almost everyone. Apparently, the Snuggie company is now making them for pets, too. As much as I love our two cats, that’s something I will never buy. Unless Black Friday can come through with a great price again.