A little over a year ago I visited Alcatraz while my wife and I were in San Francisco, Calif. Three weeks ago, Fox debuted a new J.J. Abrams (“Lost,” “Fringe”) television series, “Alcatraz,” which tells the “real story” of the prison island’s last inmates in 1963. When I visited the island, nothing in the tour mentioned anything about this “real story,” probably because it’s completely fictional.
Apparently other people don’t understand the difference between fact and fiction, though, as Parks Services representatives have told members of the media they’ve caught people sneaking into closed areas on the island looking for the “secret” control room featured in the television show.
I wouldn’t think this difference would be hard to figure out. In the television show, the last inmates were not put in other prisons when Alcatraz was closed, but instead mysteriously vanished. Nearly 50 years later, they started reappearing – at the same age they were in 1963 – with many of them resuming the crimes they had committed many years prior.
Part science-fiction, part procedural crime thriller and part time-travel story, “Alcatraz” is about as real as “Star Wars,” as only in a galaxy far, far away could any of this have actually occurred. Like “Star Wars,” though, it’s fun fiction that’s meant to let our imaginations explore realms of different possibilities. Unlike “Star Wars,” it’s only mediocre, as it leans far too close to repetitive “CSI” territory than it does to out-of-this world “Lost” and “Fringe” territory that Abrams is best at doing.
Because some people don’t understand the difference between fiction and reality, Alcatraz has now posted signs on the island that read: “The TV show Alcatraz is fictional; many areas it depicts are not real. Closed areas protect you, historic structures and nesting birds.”
They should have just posted a sign that said “All stupid people should get back on the boat. We don’t want to be responsible for you.”
In fact, the Alcatraz tour groups should weed these people out before even boating the ferry. As a federal island, security measures limit what people can take to the island, and everybody has to go through several checkpoints before boarding. One more stop should be included in which somebody quizzes each boarder with one question: “Do you expect to see Hurley at Alcatraz?” “Yes” answers mean no entry.
When I told my wife about the stupidity of some people visiting Alcatraz, she quickly pointed out I’m not much different. “Well… it isn’t that much different than someone recreating a pose from ‘The Rock’ for a photo op,” she said. “It’s a blurred line between fiction and reality.”
She was referring to a photo I had her take of me pretending to hold some flares with the skyline of San Francisco in the background from Alcatraz, much like Nick Cage did in the 1996 film.
“These people are looking for something that doesn’t really exist,” I argued. “I was recreating something that exists.”
“And you were pretending to be something that isn’t real,” she said. “The movie exists, but the story was fictional. So in essence, you were imitating fiction, as are they. You know you can’t win this argument.”
“No. They are literally looking for something that doesn’t exist because they think it does exist,” I said.
“Or so they say,” she said.
At that point I realized I shouldn’t separate fact from fiction. The fact is I was never going to win this argument. I never do. Winning would be fiction.
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Originally published in The Portage County Gazette on Friday, Feb. 3, 2012.
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