If you give my 6-year-old son, Braden, an inch, he’ll try to take 10.
Actually, with his math, he’ll try to take 50 inches.
Braden has the makings of a world-class negotiator. An example:
The other night he had his first loose tooth. My wife and his mother, Jenny, told him the Tooth Fairy would bring him $2 if the tooth was extra shiny and clean when it fell out, hoping that would encourage him to brush his teeth better every day.
“If it is super extra shiny, bright and clean, maybe she’ll bring me $100,” he responded, attempting to increase the amount by 50.
Fortunately, Jenny was quick with her own response. “I don’t think she has that much money,” she said.
Everything is a negotiation with the kid.
“Braden, five minutes until bedtime,” I’ll tell him.
“Can it be 10 minutes?” he’ll ask.
“You can have one cookie.”
“Can I have three?”
“If you want dessert, you’ll have to eat this much on your plate,” we’ll tell him, showing him how much he needs to eat.
“Can I eat only that much?” he’ll say, moving some of the food we said he has to eat to the other side containing food he doesn’t have to eat.
I’m pretty sure most parents of young children have to deal with similar negotiations, but Braden is persistent about it, even though he rarely wins because Jenny and I are both too stubborn to let him. “No” is usually our final answer.
He’ll often try again, with a different figure less than what he was asking before, but our answer is still “no.”
Jenny’s response then is “This is not a democracy. It’s a dictatorship and Mommy is the boss.”
That’s fine now, but wait until he starts learning about real-life dictators in history classes. She might not like the comparisons he’ll make then.
I believe he continues to negotiate, even though he knows he won’t win, because he has several grandmothers who allow him to win more often than not. It’s hard to blame them, because grandmas are supposed to spoil grandchildren and allowing them to win negotiations is part of the spoiling process.
I know this because it’s how I operated when I was a kid. If my mother didn’t allow something to happen, I’d just wait until I saw one of my grandmas and ask them. It usually worked.
I’m sure his negotiations probably annoy some of his teachers, but they probably have a lot of experience handling such manners. After all, they probably hear them multiple times an hour and know giving in to their demands would not be good for them in their career.
Jenny and I believe Braden will be an arbitrator when he gets older. For the most part, he’s scientific with his negotiations and tries to keep emotion out of it. He’ll often give good reasons why people should give in to his demands. He once told a babysitter that sometimes we allow him to stay up past 8:30 p.m., so she should do so despite our request to have him in bed by that time.
He’s correct in saying that, because there are times he can go to bed later, but he left out the fact that those times only occur on special occasions. Fortunately the babysitter didn’t listen to him.
At least he hasn’t gotten to the stage of promising to do more chores if we give in to him. I remember telling my mother I’ll do dishes for a week straight if she bought me something at a store. It often worked, too.
When he gets to this point, then we might be in trouble.
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Originally published in The Portage County Gazette on Friday, Dec. 2, 2011
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