I hope everybody has some fun in the next 12 months, as we are now less than one year away from the apocalypse, if you believe the Mayans are correct in their end of time prophecy.
Actually, the claims about the prophecy are disputable; plenty of people say they have been misinterpreted. For fun, though, let’s imagine the world will end on Dec. 21, 2012, because that’s always a fun thing to do.
I don’t have a “bucket list,” as my biggest goal in life is just to achieve a triple-triple word playing Scrabble. It’s not much of a goal, and I do expect to achieve it someday, but so far in more than 600 online games against friends it has eluded me. I’d feel bad about this petty goal, and the fact I spend so much time playing Scrabble (that has been over a two-year period in which I have compiled a fairly impressive 497-106 record), but a friend I play against has the same goal in life, which makes me feel somewhat better.
Not having a bucket list means I can pretty much do what I want during this possible final year of life on this planet. Of course, what I choose to do will be with my family, which includes my 6-year-old son, Braden. This means I won’t be climbing to the top of Mount Everest, which is something I’d love to try although I’m afraid of heights, hate the cold and I’ve read Jon Krakauer’s “Into Thin Air,” which should pretty much dissuade anybody from ever trying the endeavor.
So limited in what I’ll pursue, the first thing I’ll do with my family is go someplace warm for the winter. I don’t care where, as long as it has a beach. The only ocean beach I’ve ever been on was in San Francisco this past January, and that hardly counted because I only touched the water once just to say I touched the ocean. I wouldn’t want the apocalypse to come next year without having even touched it. On a warm beach, though, I can submerge myself in the ocean waters and try to get over my fear of sharks eating me. I have a feeling I won’t be too scared of this, because becoming shark bait would be slightly better than becoming just another apocalypse victim like billions of others.
If I manage to survive the ocean, the next thing we’ll do is road-trip through the various sites in America. My wife has told me she would never take a long car trip with me, because of some minor road rage issues she says I have, but I believe I could control myself knowing bad drivers will get their due on 12-21-12. Then again, my time is limited, and if I have to follow a slow Ford Focus in a city where every traffic light I encounter turns red as I get there, then I might get upset.
We’d go out west first, to take Braden to cool places like the Badlands and Yellowstone Park, as well as the Idaho isthmus where he has told me he’s wanted to go. I’m not sure what’s there – hopefully not just potatoes – but I think it would be fun to find out.
Then we’ll go down South, so I can explore the rock and roll, jazz, and country music scenes cities there are famous for. And to eat authentic Southern food, which I’ve never had.
We’ll head up on the East Coast in the final leg of our American tour, stopping in Washington, D.C., New York and Boston on our way.
At home, every day would be a fun day, and nothing would be off the table. If Braden wants me to build him a tree fort, I’ll try to find a way, even though we don’t have any trees and I don’t have any building skills. It’ll probably be the worst nontree fort in history, but we won’t care. The apocalypse will be coming anyway.
After we have our fun at home, and if money and time are still available, we’d then go to Europe. I might have to wait until after 2012 for that one, though, as I have a feeling we’ll still be around. What do those Mayans know anyway?
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Originally published in The Portage County Gazette on Friday, Dec. 16, 2011.
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