Earlier this week I overheard a conversation in which the two participants talked about how no one wanted to deliver bad news to a specific person, and as a result this person was oblivious to a certain fact that affects her.
The news wasn’t really bad, in the sense of truly bad news like someone dying, but it was something that she wasn’t going to like when she heard it.
One of the people in the conversation said this person should have picked up on the clues about this fact, but so far she had not figured it out.
That’s when I interjected myself into the conversation. “I’d be happy to deliver that news to this person,” I said.
It’s not that I like to be the bearer of bad news, because truly bad news is something I’d never want to deliver, but in this case something needed to be said to her, and nobody seemed to have the heart to tell her.
Since I don’t know her, and the news wasn’t anything awful that would change her life, I figured it would be kind of fun to be a random stranger telling someone something not so good.
In fact, I thought, I could start a service: Bearers of Not Really Bad News and in parenthesis, But Not Good News Either.
I often have ideas for services I can start, although I’ve never actually started any, but this one seems like one of my better ideas. If you have to tell someone they are no longer wanted as a friend, I could be there. “So and so no longer enjoys your company. As a result, he is terminating your friendship.”
Even better, I could deliver news about a break-up. “Sorry, so-and-so is moving on. You need to also.”
Or I could let someone know they didn’t make a sports team. “Sorry, you weren’t good enough to make the baseball team. Try golf.”
Telling someone their cooking stinks and nobody wants to eat it would be fun. “Sorry, you don’t need to bring anything to so-and-so’s party. Nobody there wants to eat your food.”
Maybe I could tell an old person he or she shouldn’t drive anymore. “Sorry, so-and-so is concerned you are going to get into an accident. So we’re taking your keys away. Take a cab.”
This all sounds cruel, and I probably sound like a jerk for even considering such a service, but it seems like this service is needed if people can’t deliver such news themselves. Ultimately, this service delivers what’s needed to be said, and at the same time relieves the anxiety of those who don’t want to bear bad news. It seems like a win-win to me.
I just hope nobody has to hire me to tell me my idea kind of stinks.
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Originally published in The Portage County Gazette on Friday, Nov. 25, 2011.
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