My sister-in-law Abby is a big girl now, or she better be, as she delivered my second nephew, and third godson, Steven Bradley Schleicher, on Friday, July 8.
Named after his father, Steven, and his late grandfather, Bradley, the little guy weighed 8.5 pounds and was 21.5 inches long – small measurements that come with big responsibilities. As the father of a 6-year-old, I have some advice for her in this new endeavor.
Grandmas like to help, so let them. They’ll continually ask if you need any help and after awhile you’ll start feeling guilty that you’re taking advantage of them. Ignore this guilt, because they truly love helping you and spending time with the new grandchild. They’ve learned from all of the mistakes they made in raising their own children, and now want to show you how to properly be a parent.
Learn from their examples, but expect to make plenty of your own mistakes. Human nature practically dictates that we goof things up, even when it’s spelled out clearly and laid out right in front of us in an easy how-to guide that could ensure success.
One example: when your nephew, Braden, was a youngster, your sister and I said we’ll never take him to McDonalds. The food is unhealthy, and we don’t want him growing up to become a fat fast-food junkie. For a long time, we successfully avoided the place. And then one day, against our better judgment, we took him there. And now, every time we drive past some golden arches, we hear “Let’s go to McDonalds.” Ugghhh. I think the Happy Meal toys hooked him.
Enjoy the fact that he’s not mobile and can’t speak while you can, because once he moves and speaks, life will never be quiet again. I remember anxiously waiting for Braden to learn how to crawl and then walk, and waiting for him to say his first words, thinking he’ll be so much cooler to me once he did those things. Little did I know that he’ll never stop moving and he’ll never stop talking once he learns them.
Memories are short, so take lots of photos and videos, but don’t forget to write down the funny things they do. My long-term memory is garbage, so I’m thankful for the hundreds of photos we took as Braden was growing up. We’ve taken some video, but probably should have taken more.
Most people probably don’t think about putting the funny things to paper, but fortunately for your sister and me, and probably unfortunately for Braden, I’ve practically documented everything he’s ever done in this column, or on the “What did you expect…” page on the inside back cover. Reading about my kid has probably annoyed a lot of people over the years, but generally I hear from a lot more people that they like reading about my family because it reminds them of theirs. You’ll be amazed at how some of the seemingly personal occurrences are much more universal than you think.
My last piece of advice is to learn how to hold your ground. Kids, even at infant age, learn quickly that crying and throwing a tantrum is the easiest way to get what they want. It’s tough saying no, especially when you know that it’ll be easier on you if you give in. But it won’t, because the next time he’ll cry harder and throw a bigger tantrum. With Braden, I feel fortunate because we seldom gave in to him, so his tantrums are usually contained quickly. Nonetheless, he still throws them and occasionally we give in out of his sheer tenacity.
Some day, and maybe you can be the one, some parent is going to make it through his or her child’s younger years without giving in, and that child may grow up to be the most thoughtful, unselfish adult that has ever existed. And maybe that child could become a great president who solves many of the growing problems facing the world.
I know it’s wishful thinking, but every parent has hopes their kid will become president someday. I do, and there is no reason you shouldn’t expect it. So maybe that’s my really my last piece of advice: expect your kid to become president.
As a side note, take advantage of aunts and uncles – who miss having babies around – as babysitters. And call your sister for advice. She’s got plenty to give.
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Originally published in The Portage County Gazette on Friday, July 15, 2011.
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