I’ve been traveling between Stevens Point and Marshfield on a nearly daily basis for the past three weeks, visiting my earlier-than-expected newborn son at Ministry St. Joseph’s Hospital. A boring drive, because it seems endless, I picked up on a trend for many of those residing on Highway 10 between the two cities.
“Trend” might not be the right work, though. “Requirement” might be more appropriate.
Apparently, in order to live on the highway, I’ve determined people are required to own black wooden cutouts of people or animals, and they must place them somewhere on their front yard for all those who drive past to see.
Most of these wooden cutouts are in the shape of a human waving, although there are a few others like a child perched on top of a mailbox, a moose and a buffalo.
My wife and I have counted 10 of these cutouts, and we have debated endlessly about why anybody would place them in their yard.
Are we supposed to think someone is actually waving at us, or that moose or buffalo is on their property? Are we supposed to think there is a kid sitting on top of someone’s mailbox?
None of these cutouts fooled me once, not even for a millisecond. They aren’t even close to resembling the real thing, and because they are usually so close to the road, they don’t even have the distance factor coming into play. Maybe, just maybe, from far away, they could appear somewhat real, and may fool someone for just a millisecond.
In every instance upon seeing them, my first thought has been, “Huh? I don’t get it? Why clutter your yard with a novelty item?”
I got my answer when I looked around at other people yards and porches and noticed a large variety of novelty items littering them. Pink flamingos, gazing balls, the lady bent over weeding a garden (I sure hope that one isn’t real), wind socks, “spinning” spirals and a whole host of other items I’m clueless on about their names.
Often those items are purchased when they are trendy. We had a “spinning” spiral at our house in Wautoma, and my mother has had her share of these items in front of her house over the years. It’s easy to know when an item is trending, because multiple vendors will often be selling them at any flea market, craft sale or home show.
My wife and I now know better than to buy such items. If everybody else is buying it, I’ll keep my wallet in the pocket.
We only have a few items in front of our house: a large boulder, a classy looking solarlight we received as a gift, and three birdhouses – two of which were made by my late father-in-law.
I like to tease my wife that I’m going to buy her some garden gnomes – the trendiest of the trendy lawn ornaments. She’s sort of afraid of them, and definitely doesn’t want them near our house. I’d like to buy one, just to see what she comes up with to destroy it.
I bet she could get real creative in that endeavor. Maybe we all should.
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Originally published in The Portage County Gazette on Friday, Aug. 3, 2012.
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