Advice needed on how to raise an only child

I need advice from people who grew up as an only child.


I seek advice because my son, Braden, appears as though he will be an only child, and since my wife, Jenny, and I come from multi-children families, we don’t know how to deal with him being the lone child.

Even if someday Jenny and I were to have another child, Braden would be well older, as he is already 5-1/2. He’s spoiled with our attention, but we can tell it serves as a poor substitute for someone near his own age to play with on a regular basis.

Growing up, I often wished I was an only child, and not just because my younger sister, Kelly, was annoying, but also because I wanted to be spoiled by my parents like some of the only-childs I knew.

Kelly and I fought all the time. We pushed and hit each other, and when things got bad her claws came out, literally. I still have scars from places she scratched me. We spent so much time fighting we often forgot about the boredom that often comes when your life is dictated by those older than you.

When we did manage to play nicely together, it was usually because one of us had a friend over whom the other one wanted to play with also.

Whether or not we were fighting or playing together, my parents didn’t have to spend nearly as much time amusing us as Jenny and I spend trying to keep Braden entertained. From the minute we pick him up from school to the minute he goes to bed, he’s always asking one of us to play with him.

We try to oblige, since we both know the importance of having a good playmate. But when you’re trying to put away a week’s worth of laundry and clean two days worth of dirty dishes, taking 15 minutes to play Transformers with him often seems like the most tiring of the three options because you know when you’re done playing, those other things will still be there.

And unfortunately for him, we’re also trying to make sure he doesn’t become a “spoiled” only child. He’s got a fair amount of toys, but this amount pales in comparison to a lot of other kids we know. We’ve held numerous rummage sales over the years, and given other toys away, to keep his toy box from overfilling, and he knows not to ask us for a new toy when we go to the store.

It’s clear he doesn’t care about toys as much as I did when I was a kid, and the things he most likes are someone to play with on a regular basis and the attention of those around him.

This fact came out when he started kindergarten this fall. His teacher, Mrs. Z, told Jenny she can tell he’s an only child because when he wants her attention, he’s not shy about getting it as he’ll often go in front of other kids to ask her something. “I tell him I love him just as much as the other children, but you have to wait your turn,” Mrs. Z said.

So now Jenny and I have really been working with him to act like a boy with siblings, despite the fact he doesn’t have any. It’s tough, and that’s why I’m seeking a little advice from only-childs. I want to know what their parents did, or should have done, to make them feel more like they had siblings, without spoiling them with their own attention and with toys and other items. Play dates with other kids? Acting like a kid yourself (Jenny may say I often do this without trying) and playing with him? Go ahead and just spoil him anyway? I don’t know the answer.

E-mail your advice to me at pcgazette@g2a.net. I’d love to share it with others in a future column.