Bieber fever could be the perfect excuse

It’s often difficult coming up with a good excuse when you don’t have one.


My wife and I usually only need them when trying to get out of going to not-so-close-anymore friends’ homes when invited there for odd reasons. And most of the time the “we already have other plans” excuse works just fine.

Every once in a while, though, a person comes along who doesn’t like to hear no. While most people are fine with excuses, even flimsy ones, this person grills you on the fine details about your excuse.

A conversation with a former friend often included these questions: “What time do you have to be there?” “You can’t get out of it?” “Are you sure you have to do that?” “Why do you prefer to do that?”

Needless to say, I haven’t spoken to this friend in years because I was tired of him second-guessing everything I said. Maybe it wasn’t so friendly on my part to come up with excuses, but simply telling him the truth that I prefer doing other things than hanging out with him and playing video games or having him kick my butt in basketball just didn’t sound nice enough.

Maybe I could have taken a cue from heavy metal band Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman in coming up with a better excuse. He recently got out of an upcoming series of shows because he’s currently undergoing treatment for a flesh-eating disease known as necrotizing fasciitis. The rare infection eats away at the skin, fat and bones of the inflicted. Hanneman, who probably caught it from a spider bite, will need surgery on his right arm to treat it.

While this excuse is probably true, it does sound like something a heavy metal rocker could and should make up to get out of a commitment. In fact, this sounds like a scene straight out of “This Is Spinal Tap,” a classic parody film that has had far too many real-life moments in the heavy metal world.

Inspired by such an excuse, maybe I should keep this one in my reserves for when I have a friend who doesn’t want to hear the “we already have other plans” excuse: “I’ve got Bieber fever.”

For those who aren’t familiar with Bieber fever, it’s the mad exhilaration that preteen girls usually get for teenage entertainer Justin Bieber. In the past, Bieber fever came in the form of excitement for sensations like Elvis Presley, The Beatles, Leif Garrett, Michael Jackson, Backstreet Boys and the Jonas Brothers.

Bieber fever is catchy, especially when you hear his song “Baby.” With lyrics like “Baby, baby, baby, ooh,” it’s hard to avoid it.

My wife doesn’t believe I could have it, though, and if I can’t convince her, how would I convince others to try to believe such an excuse. If I had enough hair on my head, I could get a Bieber haircut. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work for people with receding hairlines and large bald spots on top of their heads.

I could dress like him, but my hoodie and chained black leather jacket supplies have run low and I don’t feel like spending money on more.

A Bieber tattoo could work, but I have an aversion to needles.

Maybe I just need an excuse for not being Bieber-like enough to convince others I have Bieber fever. Maybe the guy from Slayer could inspire an excuse for my excuse.