A few weeks ago my wife and I had lunch at a Chinese buffet. As is custom, we received a fortune cookie at the end of the meal. My fortune was neither ominous nor propitious, instead it was confusing (much like the big words I just used). It read “The same is the beginning.”
I have no idea what this means. Perhaps the translation from Chinese to English was bad or the printer messed it up. If that is the case, I don’t have to worry any further.
But what if my fortune is actually trying to tell me something and I’m foolishly not paying enough attention to this potential message. Will I miss out on a golden opportunity or will I run straight into an avoidable mishap?
“The same is the beginning” just doesn’t make any sense. What’s the same and where is the beginning? Or who’s the same and what’s the beginning? Maybe my life is beginning all over again and it will be the same as before. Or maybe I’m the same because everything is beginning all over again.
Whatever the case, I’m pleased I received a fortune that has made me think. I always joke with my wife that I would like to be the person who writes the fortunes for fortune cookies because I’m usually disappointed in the fortunes I do receive. They are usually generic and quickly disposable.
If I were a fortune cookie fortune writer, I would be very specific. My fortunes would include messages like “Your life will cease to exist if you travel to Canada today,” “Do not go in your basement because you will slam your thumbnail in the basement door and it will fall off and take four months to grow back,” or “Treat yourself to a movie because you deserve it.”
If I received specific fortunes like those, I would definitely take them seriously. Traveling to Canada is not something I normally do, in fact I’ve only been there once when I was 7, but I would delay any travel plans for a day if I got that fortune.
And I certainly would have appreciated a warning about slamming my thumbnail in a basement door this past summer. Although seeing what is actually under a nail is pretty cool, the novelty quickly disappears and the want for a hard, smooth, nail there is overwhelming.
A fortune telling me to see a movie would be the perfect excuse I could use to actually see one in a theater. Nobody would argue with me if a fortune told me to do so.
Plus, imagine the excitement of breaking open a fortune cookie to find such a fortune. I can’t stand the taste of fortune cookies, but I’d gladly eat a thousand of them for a thousand of these little nuggets.
Someone out there must be a fortune cookie fortune writer. I’ll admit that I’m jealous of this person, and also highly disappointed. If “The same is the beginning” is the best fortune I’ve ever received, then I’m owed a multitude of better fortunes. Especially considering all of the Chinese food I’ve eaten over my lifetime.
I don’t know what is required of fortune writers – a degree or official certification – but the requirements to become one can’t be too hard. I’m not psychic, although sometimes I like to pretend that I can talk to my 2-year-old son telepathically like Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker did at the end of “The Empire Strikes Back.” I also would never pay anybody to read my palm or gaze into a crystal ball to see my future, so I don’t believe anybody has the power to predict someone’s fortune, which would technically eliminate me from doing so for other people.
But I’m not going to let this little technicality thwart my new dream. Tonight, my wife and I are going to go back to the Chinese buffet and demand a meeting with the fortune cookie fortune writer.
Wait a minute. At the beginning of this column my wife and I were at the Chinese buffet. I get it. This is the same as the beginning. What a great fortune.
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