It may be time to get a new job, at least it may be according to the keynote speaker at the Wisconsin Newspaper Association Convention last week in Green Bay.
The speaker, Phil Rosenthal, a columnist with the Chicago Tribune who covers the hurting newspaper industry, gave a bleak outlook about the industry to people attending the convention. He said newspapers need to change their methods of business if they want to survive in this economy.
Listening to him speak was depressing as he talked about the millions of dollars newspapers are losing weekly, the number of positions being cut at most newspaper staffs and the failure of newspapers to find a way to capitalize on digital technology.
If I wasn’t ready to find a new profession after his speech, I was certainly ready to find one after attending two seminars at the convention. Both focused on implementing digital technology for a newspaper’s Web site, and being someone who just learned Facebook two years after everyone else his age, my prospects seemed doomed.
I wasn’t the only one that felt this way, as staff at other weekly newspapers shared similar thoughts. Fortunately, they said the situation isn’t as dire as he made it seem, as plenty of newspapers, especially weeklies, are doing OK.
That includes The Gazette.
Just in case I need to find a new career, if the newspaper industry should collapse, I’ve come up with a list of possibilities:
I could become a chain guy in the National Football League. Think about how great his job is. He gets the best view for any football game he attends, his job doesn’t require much thinking and he only works three hours a week.
I could become a roadie for Bruce Springsteen. On the plus side, I would never miss one of his shows, but on the downside I’d probably be too busy working to pay attention to it. Unless I became the guy that provides him a towel for his sweat. Then I’d have to pay attention to it.
I could become Brett Favre’s publicist. Working for the greatest quarterback ever would be a privilege, but dealing with the aftermath of some of his decisions might be stressful. And he’d probably frown at me if I ever wanted to take a day off.
Or I could start my own business, taking cue of an event that occurred at the newspaper convention.
This business, which I would call Perfect Excuse, would consist of me and my phone. For a small charge, people could request me to call them at a specific time. That’s it.
The people I call could then say they need to take care of something, getting them out of something they don’t necessarily want to be at – like a convention, a painful visit to a relative or distant friend, or a chore or job they are doing.
I came up with the idea after Gene Kemmeter, The Gazette’s editor, received a phone call from his son during the middle of a seminar at the convention about implementing video on your Web site. He left to answer the call, and then called my phone number shortly thereafter, getting me out of the useless seminar.
We had a good laugh about his fortune to receive such a timely phone call, but it got me thinking. Why can’t somebody provide such a service so people don’t have to rely on the luck of getting a phone call?
Seriously, I would charge only a dollar, so anybody could afford my service. The only thing truly required of me would be to make the phone call. It’s up to the person on the receiving end to provide some good acting to convince others he or she has to go. I can play along, but others will never hear me.
I should thank the organizers of the convention for inspiring me to find this potentially-great new career, especially since they made me fear the outlook of my current one. Anyone need a Perfect Excuse? Call me.
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