Wisconsin Dells is great when hotel room is free

Inspired by Jim Schuh’s wonderful columns about his many trips, vacations and adventures he takes around the country, I’ve decided people might like to read about my mini-vacation last week to a place less exotic than the places he usually visits – like Alabama and Arizona – but still thrilling, and a lot more familiar, Wisconsin Dells.
It’s a vacation my family and I take at least once a year, as my wife’s job necessitates her going there for annual conferences. This year, as well as last year, we stayed at Glacier Canyon Lodge at The Wilderness, a resort so large some small cities could fit inside it. Although it doesn’t have a large city in it, The Wilderness does have three indoor water parks, two arcades, a play castle, three or four restaurants (I didn’t keep an exact count on them), countless stores and shops, and a large conference center.
The only thing it’s missing, and preventing it from being its own municipality, is a church. But like a lot of villages and towns without a church it makes up for its shortcoming with multiple taverns, although the ones at The Wilderness are a little classier.
My wife, Jenny, our son, Braden, and I arrived in Wisconsin Dells at noon Thursday, April 30, just in time for lunch. We made it a goal of spending as little money on food as possible, but we failed immediately, as we stopped at the Riverwalk Pub, just off Wisconsin Dells’ main street and along the Wisconsin River. Jenny’s parents are big fans of the place, so we thought we’d give it a try.
Jenny and I both had a ribeye steak sandwich and fries, as well as some beer cheese soup. Braden was daring; he had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Our waitress was friendly, and her recommendation to try the steak sandwich was a good one. Jenny and I both thought it was excellent. Even better was the soup. Unfortunately, the waitress wouldn’t give us the recipe, so I didn’t give her a tip. Just kidding. With tip, we paid $43 for the meal.
After a brief excursion to buy some groceries for our hotel room, which actually was a suite the size of a small apartment, we settled in at 2 p.m. and Braden and I explored the suite as we waited for Jenny to return from a short meeting. It had three televisions, a fully-loaded kitchen, two bedrooms, an additional bed in the living room wall that could come down if needed, a dining room and two bathrooms.
Normal rates for this room would be five to seven hundred dollars per night during the on season, but it was only $160 a night during the off season, a tab we didn’t even have to pick up as Jenny’s employer did so. It was worth every cent it paid.
After a quick dinner in the suite – pizza and macaroni and cheese – we made our way to the Wild Canyon water park, which was literally a walk half-a-mile long. This water park had a children’s area, a wave pool and several water slides. We took Braden down a big water slide in which we rode on in a large raft. The entire slide was enclosed, so if riding in the dark doesn’t sound enjoyable, you may want to avoid it. I’m a fan of sight, so the slide wasn’t my favorite activity there.
We made the long trek back to our room after several hours of fun, concluding a fairly fun but quick first day.
Most of the second day was spent at the play castle next to one of the two arcades while Jenny was in meetings. The castle is wonderful for parents of younger children, as they can relax while their children explore all three levels. I checked on Braden occasionally, but stayed outside it most of the time because my large body was too big for the small spaces throughout much of it.
That night, before going to the Wild West water park, we ate at the Wild West Diner. All three of us had the buffet, as it looked exceptionally good and Braden’s was free with a paid adult. The food was exceptionally good, I especially liked the roast beef and Jenny liked a chicken dish. Braden liked the smiley fries.
Neither Jenny nor I liked the price, though. Even with Braden’s free meal, the total tab came to nearly $60, which is way too much for a buffet and $60 more than we wanted to spend eating out the entire trip. Oh well, the room was free.
The water park was nearly identical to the other one, although the wave pool was closed for some reason. Swine flu maybe? Who knows?
The third day at The Wilderness was much like the first two, except some Stevens Point friends, Brian and Johanna and their two children, came to spend the day with us. They treated us to Buffalo Phil’s just down the highway from The Wilderness, and that buffet was equally as good as the one at the Wild West, especially its pizza, and I’m sure the price was more reasonable, as it was $10 per adult.
Back at The Wilderness we went to two water parks and then visited back at the suite for a couple of hours as the children slept after a long day of play. Our friends left at 7 p.m. and we went back to the crowded play castle during our final evening there. Jenny and I enjoyed some adult beverages while Braden played well past his bedtime. We also went mini-golfing in a 3-D aquarium-themed course there. It wasn’t worth the $20 we spent on it, mainly because Braden had no interest in golfing. Oh well, the room was still free.
We were hungry when we got back, but instead of making some spaghetti, like we had planned, we ordered pizza from Sarento’s, a restaurant adjacent to The Wilderness. We ordered a specialty one, half “Greek” and the other half “Philly Cheese Steak.” The $20 price was well worth it, as it was unique and flavorful. Plus, the room was still free.
We returned the next morning, but not before stopping at the outlet mall where Jenny bought a new Coach purse. She used the age-old argument women have been using for decades to convince men to make the purchase – it’s on sale. I didn’t mind. The room was free.
I’ll write more about this adventure for the next eight weeks. Nevermind. I talked about everything I needed to talk about this week, so I apologize to people expecting a multi-week testimonial along the lines of Schuh. You’ll have to wait for his next trip for such an adventure.