Kids are funny

NOT MY MUMMY: A 2-year-old boy was intrigued by a Halloween display at a craft and hobby store in Plover featuring a life-sized mummy.
Approaching the mummy, which softly groans when people get near it, the boy jumped when its groan got louder as he got closer. The boy refused to get any closer to the mummy, preferring to hide behind his father’s leg.
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BUTT KISSING: A teacher at a Stevens Point daycare couldn’t help but laugh when a 2-year-old boy told him to kiss his butt.
The child had fallen onto his backside from a slide and, as he normally does, asked the nearest adult to kiss his oww wee to “make it feel better.”
“Kiss my butt,” he told the teacher.
“He was so serious,” the teacher told the boy’s father. “It was hilarious.”
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FUTURE PUPPY: The 2-year-old son of a Portage County Gazette staff member quickly denied his father’s hopes for him. The father, excited about the new Fox television show “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles,” asked the boy if he would like to be a Terminator when he grows up.
“No, I want to be a puppy,” said the boy.
Foolish questions get foolish answers.
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STUCK IN THE SNOW: The wife of a Portage County Gazette staffer forgot to look at the end of the driveway before backing out of it in order to go to work Monday morning. Much to her surprise, a snowplow had left a pile too big for her little Plymouth Neon to drive through. She wasn’t able to begin her commute to work until 45 minutes later, after receiving a tow out of the snow pile by a passing Good Samaritan.
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PUZZLING COMMENT: A parent’s ear was blistered when his 3-year-old son uttered a phrase that seemed to contain a profanity. When the son repeated the comment to his mother, both parents became alarmed because they weren’t really sure what the son was saying but it sounded like a profanity to them.
Using the suspected profanity, the parents asked the son if that was what he said, but the son said it wasn’t, repeating it once again.
Now the parents are afraid to press the issue, fearing the son may continue to repeat the phrase in public, which would be embarrassing.
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MOVING TO THE PARK: The 3-year-old son of a Gazette employee was excited when he and his parents moved to Plover after a year of daily commuting from Wautoma. His excitement wasn’t due to the end of 90 minutes worth of daily driving, it was because he mistook his father’s explanation that they were moving to a location near a park as to they were moving to a park. The boy was saddened when he discovered their new living room did not contain playground equipment.
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FAKING IT EARLY: The 3-year-old son of a Gazette staffer asked for a cough drop after seeing his father take one for a cold. His father told him it’s only for people who have a cough. “Cough, cough,” the boy faked in an attempt to get one. Laughing at the ploy, the father gave the boy a cough drop – for preventative measures.
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NO. 2 AT THE DINNER TABLE: The same boy decided to bring the subject of No. 2 up at the dinner table, saying a food smelled like it. His mother told him that he shouldn’t talk about that while eating. The boy continued to talk about it as he kept repeating that you only talk about No. 2 at the potty.
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PLAYING WITH MRS. PIENTKA: When asked about his day at his daycare, the 3-year-old son of a Gazette staffer always says he played with his teacher, Mrs. Pientka. Knowing the teacher wasn’t there one day, his father asked the question again, expecting a different answer. He got one, but it wasn’t much different. “I didn’t play with Mrs. Pientka today,” he responded.
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GIRAFFE BOY: The wife of a Gazette staffer caught their 3-year-old son eating leaves directly from a tree one day. “What are you doing?” she asked the boy. “You shouldn’t be eating leaves.”
“But mommy, I’m a giraffe,” the boy replied.
Seeing it would be difficult to argue his logic, the mother said he should be a boy and have some people food if he was hungry.
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‘OH SUZANNA’: While in the midst of being naughty, the 3-year-old son of a Gazette staffer diverted attention away from his behavior by suddenly breaking out a verse of “Oh Suzanna,” much to his parents’ surprise. “For I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee,” the boy sang. The parents were unaware he knew such a complicated song, one he must have learned at his daycare.
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HAMBURGER, CHEESEBURGER – TWO DIFFERENT FOODS: The 3-year-old son of a Gazette staffer tried to use a technicality to get out of eating a meal. When told he needed to finish his hamburger before he could have a treat, the boy said he already did. “What’s that then?” his father asked, pointing to the burger.
“It’s a cheeseburger,” he replied. “Can I have my treat now?”
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RACING DADDY: A father was surprised to learn he won a race he didn’t know he was in Tuesday, Dec. 9. Coming home from work with his 3-year-old son in the car, the father was dumbfounded when the boy shouted “Yeah, you won.”
When the father asked him about it, the boy said the father beat the car in the other lane. As far as the father knew, he was just routinely driving past the other car on four-lane Post Road in Plover, but was happy to please his son with the victory.
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CHEAPSKATE GRANDMA: The 3-year-old son of a Gazette staffer took a trip to the store with his grandmother last week. When they arrived the boy told her he’ll “pay the money.”
Thinking the boy was talking about a parking meter, she told him there were none and they didn’t need to pay anything.
The boy persisted, so to quiet him she said she didn’t have any money.
When they got to the entrance at the store, the boy ran to the person manning the Red Kettle there and said they couldn’t pay because his grandmother “didn’t have any money.”
Without missing a beat, the man told the boy that was OK, because a lot of people don’t have any money right now.
The embarrassed grandmother managed to find a couple of quarters in her purse to give to her grandson to put in the Red Kettle.
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NO BOINKING: The 3-year-old son of a Gazette staffer got his first real bed this past weekend, when his parents upgraded his toddler bed to a twin bed.
The first thing he did after it was set up was bounce on it, proclaiming he was “boinking” on his bed. His father immediately told him there would be no “boinking” on this bed.
His grandmother, in the room at the time, said she hopes there isn’t any “boinking” on the bed until he’s married.
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BOYS WILL BE BOYS, AS LONG AS THEY CAN CRAWL IN PUDDLES: The same boy appreciated the warm weather this past week that caused much of the snow to melt and create massive puddles everywhere in the parking lot at his apartment building.
While his father grilled outside, the boy splashed and ran through the puddles, and when the father wasn’t looking, he decided it was exciting to crawl through them. Much to his father’s displeasure, yet amusement.
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PROFOUND THINKING FOR 4-YEAR-OLD: A Gazette staffer was surprised by a profound thought from his 4-year-old son this week. While driving past a cemetery in Plover, the boy pointed to some gravestones and asked what they were.
“They’re gravestones,” the father said.
“Are they like pyramids?” the boy asked.
At first the father laughed at the boy’s notion, but then he realized gravestones serve as markers for a person’s final resting spot, much like pyramids marked the location where ancient Egyptian pharaohs hoped to enter the afterlife.
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A NEW HUNTING SEASON: The Easter Bunny needs to look out. The 4-year-old son of a Gazette staffer told his parents he couldn’t wait to go Easter Bunny hunting.
He meant to say Easter egg hunting.
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NOT SO FAST: The 4-year-old son of a Gazette staffer tried to make an upcoming family vacation even bigger. The family is going to Wisconsin Dells for four days, and excited about the event, he invited his friends at daycare to come along.
“We can all go down the water slide,” he told several boys after giving them an invitation.
The parents of the boy aren’t planning on taking any extra guests.
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WORN IN, NOT OUT: After a long day of swimming and playing in Wisconsin Dells last weekend, the 4-year-old son of a Gazette staffer was asked if he was worn out. “No, I’m worn in,” he replied. Whatever that means?
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LOOK MA, NO GAS: The mother of a Gazette staffer hates growing older. Worried she’ll forget to pay for her gas recently, she went through all of the motions at the gas station and even got reassurance from the attendant the gas used by her pump was paid for.
Driving away, she noticed she had as much gas in her tank as she had before she got to the gas station. Apparently, she forgot to put any gas in her vehicle, and the attendant said the gas was paid for because it belonged to the person who was at the pump before her.
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KIDS LEARN EARLY: At the young age of 4, the son of a Gazette staffer wasn’t happy about not receiving any presents on Mother’s Day. “Where’s my presents?” he asked when he saw his mother opening one.
“It’s Mother’s Day – you don’t get one today,” he was told.
“Why can’t it be Mother’s Kid’s Day?” the boy quickly retorted.
Surprised the boy was asking the age-old question all children eventually learn to ask on the Mother’s Day and Father’s Day holidays, his parents gave him the familiar answer they heard when they were children: “Every day is Kid’s Day.”