Sloth lives on in Steuck household

Sloth lives in my home.
Not the slow-moving jungle animal that lives in trees, but the deformed-because-his-mother-dropped-him-as-a-child, Superman-shirt-wearing, ear-wiggling, Baby Ruth-eating, friend-of-Chunk character in the 1985 cult-classic film “The Goonies.”
Well, the actual Sloth, who was played by John Matuszak, doesn’t really live in my home, but my 4-year-old son, Braden, has taken to saying many of his lines in the film, and he’s saying them so often my wife and I are beginning to think we are Brandon and Andy, two of the more normal characters in the film played by Josh Brolin and Kerri Green, respectively.
Braden transformed into Sloth after we watched it Saturday as part of our family movie night. We tried once before with him, as the film is one of our childhood favorites, but he didn’t take an interest because it wasn’t a cartoon. This time, though, he found it funny as soon as Chunk, a kid character in the film played by Jeff Cohen, spilled his milkshake while watching a car chase at the start of the film.
For the next 90 minutes Braden watched every scene, laughing at the right moments and enjoying the adventure Chunk and a group of other young characters go on to find a hidden pirate treasure, escape from a family of criminals and save their houses from a local developer.
Sloth doesn’t appear in the film until the final 60 minutes, but his impact is legendary, especially for people who were children when they first saw this film.
Kept in chains by his mother and two brothers, members of the previously mentioned family of criminals, Sloth seems scary at first due to his large size, deformed head (due to his mother dropping him a few times as a child) and other monster-like qualities. He also grunts and makes a lot of animal-like noises.
Chunk is frightened at first when the family of criminals captures him and put him next to Sloth, but after he shares his Baby Ruth candy bar with the monster, he learns Sloth is a misunderstood, gentle soul who is a victim of his family’s evil.
After freeing himself, Sloth helps Chunk escape and the two then help Chunk’s friends in their quest to bring home the pirate treasure.
Some of Sloth’s classic lines – “Baby, Baby, Baby Ruth,” “Hey you guys,” “Mama, you been bad,” and “Sloth love Chunk” – are now Steuck household staples, as Braden is like a skipping CD player in putting those lines on repeat.
It is I, of course, who encouraged it at first. While watching the film, I’d say them to him after the scenes in which they occurred, and then told him to say them, laughing hysterically when he did so.
It’s not the first time I’ve made myself laugh with those lines. I’ve yelled “Hey you guys” from the tops of roller coasters and ferris wheels, and any time I eat a Baby Ruth candy bar or see a reference to baseball player Babe Ruth I can’t help but say “Baby, Baby, Baby Ruth.”
Now I have a partner in crime, although I can tell it’s going to come back and bite me as he’s saying some of the lines so often their humor is almost losing luster. Just a little bit, though, as I still laugh every time, and Braden knows I will. My wife may have stopped laughing, but for me it’s like a well-timed fake fart – a guaranteed laugh every time.
He’s also said a few other lines from the film – ones containing phrases and words not appropriate for children to say. Prior to watching the film, my wife and I discussed whether or not we should allow him to watch it, due to a few of these words. We decided he’s eventually going to get exposed to them, and if we can control the environment in which he hears them, then we might be able to put a stop to it before it ever starts.
It started quickly, as he suddenly blurted out “What the hell was that?” shortly after one of the characters said it in the film. We simply told him that phrase wasn’t appropriate, making sure not to laugh. He hasn’t said it again.
Fortunately Sloth doesn’t say any inappropriate words, so everything coming out of Braden’s mouth continues to be decent, albeit a bit annoying to some and hilarious to others.
It could be worse. He could be repeating lines from “Hannah Montana” or “The Jonas Brothers” or some of the other things kids watch these days. I’m sure that day will come soon enough, but for now I’m pleased keeping him entrenched in my childhood.